Duo for a decade
Trent and I met 10 years ago at a Christmas Eve party. I had been attending this party for several years before we ever intersected! Each year at his cousin and my family's mutual friend, I remember being 15 and attending this party and always thinking, "I wish I could be a part of a family like this!," because they were so much fun and kind. Fast forward to a few years later, I was 19 and a sophomore in college and went to the party with my family, like always. I wouldn't find out until the next year when we officially introduced ourselves, but Trent had actually seen me and came into the next year's party, specifically looking to meet me. Supa sweet!
The next year, my junior year, we connected and I swear...I never would have told you I believed in love at first sight...until then. Major eye roll, I'm aware. But, I promise, I saw him standing there in the kitchen and it was like being hit by a lightning bolt. We shook hands, he got my number from his cousin the next day, texted me and asked me out on a date for that holiday break. He took me bowling...definitely not my strong suit. The situation was not helped by the socks I wore, which had an aggressive plaid pattern and went all the way up my shins over my leggings. That and a beautiful pair of bowling shoes and seriously, how could he not have just fallen in love right then and there!?
We had two more dates over that holiday break. To add to the intensity of that first gut feeling, on our third date, I remember going to say goodbye and all of a sudden having this crazy inner dialogue in my head say, "this is the man you're going to marry!" Supa cringe, but it was also the sweetest thing... and we've been together ever since. So, you tell me.
We went on to do 2.5 years of long distance between Nevada and the Bay Area. Finally, when I graduated, I decided to move back to NV while Trent finished school. He was still in school and working on his Mechanical Engineering degree, and it just didn't make sense for him to uproot himself. I was a newly graduated teacher with a Bachelor's and a Master's in Special Education under my belt, ready to find a job, and super ready to not be in a long distance relationship anymore. We moved in together during my first year teaching. We were SO broke, living off my first year salary as a kindergarten teacher and Trent's student loans. We live in a basement apartment that was partially underground and really needed to be sprayed for spiders. No, like I'm talking, waking up in the middle of the night with a spider crawling across your chest! But it was $600 a month and close to work, so it would have to do. One thing that I will say about Trent and I, that we're super proud of, is how hard we work and how far we've come, 100% on our own. We moved out of the basement and into our favorite little one bedroom, then to our luxury apartment in our favorite part of town, and finally into our newly built home in 2019, with zero help, not a lot of cash and a whole lot of fancy financial footwork. I'm super proud of our resilience and dedication. It's something that has and continues to serve us well in managing his illness.
We got married in 2018, while Trent was just graduating from school. Well, actually we eloped a few months early and told no one, so that he could jump on my health insurance plan. I guess that's sort of where this all begins, is a year or so before he graduated. Constantly tired and overstressed, we blamed some of those beginning symptoms on depression and on the pressure of school and finances. Few people know this, but Trent also had a brief stint with opioid addiction. He had some issues with his back and right away, was openly prescribed oxycodone to manage it. I'm talking openly prescribed pills for 2+ years. What we didn't know at the time, was that he probably was partially taking the pills, because they helped his other symptoms. The residual effects of getting off oxycodone, the financial stressors we were under, the school stress and the illness we didn't know existed, prolonged his diagnosis for quite a while. I still have some guilt that resides deep down within myself, for blaming his symptoms on depression, chalking it up and wasting time during those beginning months. However, I will say that I don't know that having the information sooner would have actually done anything for us as far as actual results go. I think the path would be just as difficult, insane, dark, and unrelenting as it has been these past 6 years, regardless.
This year, I turned 30 and Trent turns 32. We've been together for 10, married for 4 and a half, and a lifetime to go. He's been sick for 6 of those 10 years and to be honest, we're not sure if he will ever be fully well. The one fact that remains true, however, is that we are a great team. I truly believe that we are the lucky ones. Not everyone gets to get hit by that lightning bolt and find a marriage and a bond like ours. I tell Trent all the time, I'm in for whatever our version of "happily ever after" is, so long as we continue to be such an excellent duo. Right now, we're sleepily ever after. Which is a super cute way to explain our health experience. It hasn't been cute really at all! I can't wait to share more and answer all of the usual questions I get about our day to day, his illness and the way we cope. Thank you so much for coming along with us! I hope you enjoy and if you don't, at the very least, putting this all out there is a very cathartic release for me.
